School has been postponed until April 6th. Now it seems unlikely that we will go back at all this school year. It's still spring break for me, so I'm feeling a little detached from everything. And yet the closer I get to the end of this week, the more I feel this impending sense of dread that I'm not prepared for teaching online. How do I help my piano students improve when 90% of them don't have access to a piano at home? How do I teach an ensemble class like choir, when we can no longer meet as a group? How do I foster close relationships and support my students who are isolated from their friends and are probably sick of being home already?
I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and almost pretend it's like the end of summer vacation--rework my lesson plans, go over my unit schedules and figure out what's really necessary. I miss my classroom.
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My Shadow-a-Student experience was exhausting. Spending all day as a high school student again, and sitting for 90 minutes straight was absolutely draining. One of my classes was Culinary Arts, which was really fun and had us moving the whole time as we made icing. Even though it was first period, I felt the most awake and the most engaged compared to the other classes I joined that day. Second period was U.S. History, and we had to take a quiz. I knew absolutely nothing, and felt so stressed even though I knew I wasn't actually going to be graded on it. After the test, we sat for the remainder of the 90 minutes and wrote down vocabulary and answered chapter discussion questions. By the time the bell ring, I was so stiff and tired that getting to 3rd period was a struggle. It was only halfway across campus, but I also had no idea where any bathrooms were on that side, so I just struggled in silence and started limiting my water intake until lunch :( 3rd period was another test day, but we at least worked in groups prior to the test, so I got to socialize (even though it was about The Crucible) with the people around me for a little bit.
All in all, by the end of the day, I was far more tired than I was after a typical day of teaching, and I needed a nap almost immediately after getting home. I have no idea how my students sit for so long and have any brain capacity left by the end of the day. I am incredibly nervous about the shadow day. Part of me is definitely excited because I'm looking forward to seeing what school is like for this particular student, but I'm still nervous about having to be a "student" again for a day. I'm concerned about the time I'll have to take off from my own classes, particularly with choir and the concert we have coming up and how much work they have to get done. The thought of having a sub until after that concert kind of freaks me out, especially because I feel my like students will expect me to take over teaching anyways, even if I explain to them what I'll be doing.
But, I know that this will give me valuable insight into what my students are doing on a daily basis. I have a feeling that there is a lot of sitting, and lack of movement happening in each of the classes, and it's already making me evaluate my own classes and how much sitting they're doing. Even today in choir, I didn't realize that we'd been singing and sitting without moving for 50 minutes. That's so long! I'm looking forward to spending this day with my shadow student and seeing how I can hack my own classroom, and hopefully help my school as well :) I would get nowhere as a teacher if I didn't focus on building relationships with my students. I know that the classes I enjoy the most are the ones where I take time to build those connections into my curriculum, whether it's asking a question about their favorite pump-up song for the bell work, or having them share a hidden talent with me when they're practicing piano (one could could fart in time with the music--not a "skill" I ever thought I'd experience!!).
However, as a person who gives 110% into everything I do, I have to be careful that I don't emotionally exhaust myself with one student, and sacrifice the rest of my students. I don't mean that I think I should ever give up on building a relationship with a student who isn't reciprocating (like we talked about in class), but rather that I need to be better about my time management when it comes to building relationships. I only have so much time in a class period, or in a day, and sometimes a little personal note on a returned assignment can be more effective than 10 minutes of trying to force conversation. "Constraints can lead to creativity."
So. Much. Information. I had a rough idea of the history of education, but to see exactly where we came from and how that has impacted my classroom was pretty mind-blowing. As an arts teacher, I have really struggled with the factory style classroom, and how to flip that into a more one-on-one student conversation. Understanding that this is a systemic issue that is going against literally centuries of structure makes me a little more encouraged to keep going and pushing for change. It's a slow process, but staying committed to the right that each of my students has to grow and progress will keep me motivated along the way. This has been particularly interesting to me with my choirs. As an ensemble, it's sometimes very difficult to consider each student, especially when my goal is to have them sound like one voice, not 30 individual voices. However, I can work with individuals by doing small solo units in between concerts, and during warm-ups each day. "Studies show..."
"They're all doing x-y-z..." "Well, most students just..." As teachers (and human beings), we tend to overgeneralize. We make sweeping assumptions, or take one study to be the absolute truth and avoid any grey areas. What holds true for one class or even one student won't necessarily work for the next. One thought-provoking topic we covered multiple times in class was the idea that we need to challenge ourselves more. Our students are individuals, and we need to recognize what their individuality brings to the classroom. I know I can be a better teacher if I take the time to get to know my students and recognize what each of their strengths and weaknesses are. If I am to grow to be the kind of teacher that provides liberation, and not just equity for my students, I need to be at my best in getting to know them individually. |
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